Changing the channel

Lincoln City broadens its horizons as it narrows the D River

Kite capital of the world. Cleanest air in the world. Shortest river in the world.

For a community like Lincoln City, on Oregon’s Central Coast, such superlatives aren’t just fun plays on hyperbole — they are powerful tools for marketing, to ensure that there’s always some new reason (beyond a beautiful beach) to attract visitors year-round.

Though COVID-19 took the wind out of the kite festivals over the past year, and the next one might not take place until the Fall of 2021 at the earliest, the air is still clean. But, is the D River still the shortest?

The answer, according to most observers, is a distressing and emphatic “no.”

The Roe River in Montana is appearing in more and more journals of river science as the official title-holder for World’s Shortest River.

James Naismith, a celebrated potamologist, puts it this way: “The D River historically could sometimes claim the title of ‘World’s Shortest River,’ but with climate change running amok, the tidal fluctuations are such that with periodic storms, despite the rising sea level itself, the run from Devils Lake to the Pacific Ocean is longer than it once was, and it’s only getting worse.” Naismith added that when storms pile up new sand in front of the D River Wayside, this often causes the river to meander north or south on its way to the ocean, further adding to its length — and further bolstering the Roe River’s claim to the title.

Selling the D-Tales

Marketing Lincoln City is always a challenge. The market is starkly seasonal, and weather, traffic, and fierce competition from other getaway destinations keep promoters on their toes. “Our marketing team has its tentacles in a lot of different areas,” said Chip Dipson, natural resources specialist for Explore Lincoln City. “Despite the varied nature of our marketing program, it’s always been true that a river runs through it. That river is the D River, and we need it to be special. We’ll do anything to keep it special. The fate of the city depends on it.”

The Plot Thickens, and The River Thins

Since COVID-19 struck, Explore Lincoln City has been required to pull back on its advertising spending. That has led to the city’s marketing fund swelling beyond its normal resources. “We’re spending less, but still generating a lot of the transient room tax that funds the program,” Dipson said. “We had a meeting last summer to discuss how to spend these extra funds. At the time, ODOT was just starting on some construction work at the D River Bridge, and, well, inspiration struck.”

Dipson said it was at that meeting that Explore Lincoln City determined to put the D River back on the superlative map. “If we couldn’t be the shortest any more, we were D-termined to be the narrowest.”

A quick contract expansion with ODOT crews meant that the work would transition from the top of the bridge to the river underneath.

“Workers already had concrete deliveries on order, they had rebar,” Dipson said. “All you’d need to build a concrete channel to narrow the width of the D River to four inches. The change, to be unveiled Thursday, April 1, at a free public gathering at the D River Wayside, makes the river the world’s narrowest, narrowly edging out a river in China, which measures about 4.75 inches wide.

“Some people question whether building up concrete walls two meters tall to force the D River into a 4-inch-wide channel was a smart move,” Dipson said. “They’ll see how smart it is when potamologists and tourists flock to Lincoln City in the dead of winter to stand astride the world’s narrowest river. Mark my words.”

Physics and hydrology are always at work on river systems and, with its new channel, the D River will impress in more ways than one. Forcing the water into such a narrow, cement channel has sped the river’s average flow from 4.5 miles per hour to a stunning 39 miles per hour.

Majalise Tolan, a longtime volunteer for the Lincoln City Community Days fundraiser, is chair of the “Ducky Derby,” an event that features dumping hundreds of rubber duckies in the D River on the lake end, and pulling the first duck from the ocean end. Donors “buy” a duck in hopes theirs is the winner.

“The Derby normally takes about four minutes,” Tolan said. “This year, thanks to the new channel, the race will be over in about 35 seconds, they tell us. We might even be able to run the race twice!”

Members of the Lincoln City Chamber of Commerce invite the public to the D River Channel unveiling at 10 am on Thursday, April 1.

Chamber officials and past officials seem ebullient at the change.

“I have said for years and years that it’s all about the width, not the length,” said former chamber president Dave Price, a 25-year resident of Lincoln City. “No one even knew what I was talking about. Some even laughed at me. We’ll see who’s laughing after next Thursday’s opening.”