Forget me not
Tillamook screening of ‘Wine, Women, & Dementia’ highlights caregivers’ burdens
By Chelsea Yarnell
For the TODAY
Over glasses of wine, Oregon filmmaker Kitty Norton swaps stories with other family caregivers. Despite living in different parts of the country and only ever interacting online, they have a deep bond and have been an important part of each other’s support system.
Norton knew that the honest conversations she was having would resonate with others. So, she bought a used RV, hired a film crew and traveled the country meeting caregivers. The outcome: “Wine, Women, & Dementia,” a documentary that shines a light on the isolation, financial stress, physical and emotional toll family caregivers shoulder for their loved ones and themselves.
The Rotary Club of Tillamook will host a free screening of the film this Saturday, Nov. 23, at the Tillamook Coliseum. A virtual option is also available for those who are unable to attend in person. The viewing window is open online at tillamookrotary.com on Saturday and Sunday, Nov. 23 and 24.
“I thought that it was something that could be really valuable for Tillamook,” said Tillamook Rotary member Kris Lachenmeier. “It does a good job of taking a really broad view of the dementia experience and the variety of ways that caregivers or families deal with having a loved one with dementia. It’s such a long journey with more than one goodbye and that’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it.”
Norton’s mother received a diagnosis of vascular dementia in 2010. It came as a relief to Norton, as it was the answer to changes she was noticing.
“At a couple family reunions, people were coming up asking if my mom was okay,” she said. “It was really simple things that were being forgotten, and a difference in how she acted. She was losing some of her spark, but in a strange way was being replaced with unexpected empathy.”
As her mom slowly began to forget skills like how to straighten her foot to put on her shoe or how to use a fork, Norton began blogging.
“It was my job to remember who she was,” she said. “There were a lot of surprises, some of the things were hilarious and some were not. I needed something creative. I’d always worked in the arts and around storytellers: I needed it.”
Norton began writing very personal stories about her day-to-day life caring for her mom.
“I tried to not to make it sound like dementia is easy,” she said. “But, I did have a very different perspective. Our family has a different sense of humor that saved us. It helped tremendously. I didn’t see this disease as the end of mom’s life — mom’s life was still going. I started attracting people [online] who were using humor. It was horribly hard and none of us discounted that tragedy, but we were sick and tired of being hit over the head with it.”
Norton was her mother’s full-time caregiver from 2016 until her death in 2021.
“After mom died, I’d made these incredible friends online with other caregivers,” she said. “I had gratitude for these people and the support they gave that they didn’t even know. I didn’t want to end this without trying to help.”
Armed with one bottle of wine (or a few) and pizza, Norton spent a month traveling 7,500 miles across the United States meeting people for “caregiver smack” as a cathartic way to heal through conversations. A film crew captured the entire experience.
“The more I thought about it, the more I thought those conversations would be really helpful for other caregivers and would help push the next generation of caregivers,” Norton said.
The documentary premiered at the Julien Dubuque International Film Festival in 2023, winning the Audience Choice award.
“The audience reception has been what I hoped it would be and more,” Norton said. “Nobody has seen anything like this. It’s the first time this journey has been presented in a matter-of-fact way. People came back to see the film because they’re seeing themselves on the screen; it’s not their image, but they’re seeing their stories.”
Saturday’s screening begins at 1 pm at the Tillamook Coliseum Theater, located at 310 Main Avenue.
Following the screening, Norton will take part in a panel discussion with Alise Liepnieks from the Alzheimer’s Association of Oregon and Southwest Washington.
For more information about the film and to watch the preview trailer, go to winewomenanddementia.com.
Photos courtesy of Wine, Women & Dementia film production